scooters, vacation, fall

So, I guess I drew the short straw and get to post the first civilian blog!

I have to admit that blogs are a new form of writing for me, and I’m not sure I’ll be good at it… I also feel a little hypocritical or guilty that I’m taking the time to do this instead of working on something I could submit for publication, which has been my new year’s resolution for the past ten years.

Anyway, let’s talk about what’s on all our minds: GNR’s new album. It’s terrible. It sounds nothing like the early stuff—and no wonder, it is a totally different band. Come on, Axl, shake out the braids and get your shit together. How can it take anyone nine years to produce that garbage??

Next topic: snow. Hate the slush, hate the cold, hate the bad roads, hate everything about it, hate it.

Global warming: “warming” up to it.

Baby seals: helpless, cute, should not be clubbed to death.

Women with too many babies: ridiculous, fame-hungry, should be clubbed to death.

A-rod: deserves Maddona.

Ed McMahon: feel better, buddy.

Giant or colossal squid: would love to see one alive (though not up close and personal).

Thug life: not for me.

Elves: helpful, friendly, great lawn ornaments if used in moderation.

-Lisa

Winter rage & the effects of S.A.D.

Yesterday I hid behind the fridge in our kitchen and crammed 4 consecutive pieces of coconut crème chocolates (you know those Russell Stover’s) into my mouth in a gluttonous rage. Why the rage? Winter does not seem to want to end. I miss the hot sun and flip-flops and fruit smoothies and my friends. My new, Connecticut friends, whose names are TLC, MTV, Fox, and Hagan Daas, leave me feeling unmotivated, sad, and bloated.

I decided I would make some New Year’s resolutions (hey, better late than never):

#1. Discontinue my secret nightly routine of gorging on bon-bons. My inner thighs will thank me later.

#2. Save my eyesight by reducing my weekly TV consumption and unplug the drug!

#3. Learn to play the guitar even if it means calloused finger pads, stunted nail growth, and hang nails.

#4. Convince my Vermont friends to move down to Connecticut by launching a fierce online campaign, using scare tactics, and promising them the world (hey, it worked for Obama – I’m just kidding, guys, come on! I braved all your Bush-isms…)

#5. Resist the urge to break into a run towards my local tanning salon.

-JM